Funny Basketball Quotes | Best Basketball Quotes!

Below is a list of funny basketball quotes. Click on a quote to open an image with the quote and the author.

  • If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she’s ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can’t play a lick. Same thing. – Charles Barkley
  • I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?’ – Charles Barkley
  • I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I’d work for the Klan. – Charles Barkley
  • I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, ‘Yeah. I’m going to retire’ They said, ‘Well, we’ll give you $9 million’ And I said, ‘You got a pen on you?’ – Charles Barkley
  • It’s kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like dinner at Kenny Smith’s house. – Charles Barkley
  • All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine. – Charles Barkley
  • The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not. – Charles Barkley
  • You know it’s going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black. – Charles Barkley
  • Everything else Charles Barkley has ever said.
  • Some things you just can’t question. Like you can’t question why two plus two is four. So don’t question it, don’t try to look it up. I don’t know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don’t know. - Shaquille O’Neal
  • If you make every game a life and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot. - Dean Smith
  • What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? – Woody Allen.
  • They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. – Wilt Chamberlain
  • We’re shooting 100 percent – 60 percent from the field and 40 percent from the free-throw line. - Norm Stewart
  • They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn’t always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning. - Shaquille O’Neal
  • As far as playing, I didn’t care who guarded me – red, yellow, black. I just didn’t want a white guy guarding me, because it’s disrespect to my game. – Larry Bird
  • The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking about manic depression, she asked, ‘How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?’ A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, ‘A basketball coach?’ – Unknown
  • If you can walk with your head in the clouds and keep your feet on the ground, you can make a million dollars in the NBA. - Gary Dornhoefer
  • I’m in favour of drug tests, just so long as they are multiple choice. - Kurt Rambis
  •  In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old. – Jerry Sloan
  • After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off record 69 points – I’ll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points. - Stacey King 
  • The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play “Drop the Handkerchief. - James Naismith
  • People say my ego is grand. I think it’s in proportion to me. – Wilt Chamberlain
  •  I never thought I’d lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my team-mates – they did a lot of missing. - Moses Malone
  •  I have two college degrees, but the only way I could make a living was by showing kids how to put a ball in a hole. – Red Auerbach
  • When I first started coaching, one of the worst things that I think I heard was ‘It will be O.K.’ I would wonder, ‘How the hell is it going to be O.K.?’ The worst word in the English language is ‘hope.’ – Bobby Knight
  • When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass. – Bobby Knight
  • If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love were on channel 4, I’d watch the frogs, even if they were coming in fuzzy. - Bobby Knight
  • Many people have said it’s messed up to dunk on my mom. All I have to say is, she was in the paint. – Jeremy Lin
  • When I came down to St. Croix to see Timmy eight or nine years ago, nobody said a word to me (about driving on the left side), … I got my rental car and I went out on the road, and I was gesticulating at like 10 people before I realized I was the jerk. – Gregg Popovich
  • Bill Russell on females officiating in the NBA – “Incompetence should not be confined to one sex.”
  • Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. – Tiger Woods
  • I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it’s during a basketball game, because then I’ll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? Elayne Boosler

These are all the funny basketball quotes we have on site. Visit our homepage to view basketball quotes from other individuals such as Michael JordanJohn WoodenLarry Bird etc. More funny basketball quotes coming soon. Submissions are also welcomed!


funny basketball quotes